The Fear Of Rejection

The fear of rejection came true to today at our appointment. I have been rejected for the IVF
study due to my weight, I do not have the perfect BMI and so even though I have had success with IVF, I had a successful pregnancy and IVF is the best way for us to have a child I am rejected and will not be able to take part in this study and possibly get pregnant for a much lower cost. (Of course we could pay the regular amount and do IVF tomorrow...we do not have that kind of $ and so that is not possible) I am so disappointed, I tried so hard in the office to hold back the tears and it was so emotional for me I could not. The nurse was so sweet and reassuring that there are other studies they do do all the time and maybe after losing some weight we could try another study.

Yes that is true, I am just SO MAD. Why do we always have the disappointments? Why do I struggle with my weight, why do I have to rely on IVF to have my babies. Yes this is my pity party WHY, WHY, WHY??????

As I look down and watch my miracle baby play even though my heart is breaking right now that we may never be able to make her a big sister I do realize what a blessing & miracle she is and I am so thankful I have her.

I am sorry if I was supposed to call you after the appointment or if you call & I do not answer. I am not in a talking mood please do not be offended. This is hard enough and now I have to explain to people that knew we were going to try and do this and unless you have dealt with being overweight you will never now how embarrassing that is to tell someone you were rejected because you are FAT!

I will be deleting the donation buttons and refunding all money donated. Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness.

So now what??? Well Scott said on the way home we can still try the "normal" way! Yes we can and we will, and hope that we will not face another ectopic. Please pray for us and if it God's will we will be blessed with another healthy pregnancy when it is supposed to be!