Monday, April 9, 2012

How our year began...

The new year rolled around and we were gearing up to welcome a new baby into our home in Feb or so we thought. The weeks in Jan. were full of excitement anticipation and anxiety of the upcoming adoption. We finally felt we could embrace that the time was approaching and so we thought everything was OK and a go so we started buying stuff we needed and clothes etc.

We never new what was coming on Sat. Jan. 28, 2012 when we were told through a face book message that she had changed her mind all of a sudden, literally within that week to keep the baby. (the baby was born 3 days later on the 31st 3 1/2 weeks early) Our world came crashing down we were devastated, we had to explain to our 4 year old what was happening along with telling friends and family. We had amazing support from friends and family as I posted our heartbreak on FB and asked for prayers we were flooded with 100 comments and text messages and phone call of people praying for us and for the baby we had wanted so bad. I even got messages from women who had experienced the same heartache that did not even know me but had heard from a friend of a friend. They reached out to me.

I remember going to church the next day because although I was mad I was not mad at God, my faith had grown so much since Oct when we found out about the adoption that I was not turning my back on God during this storm. People embraced us and prayed with us and for us. My friends were awesome as they allowed me to cry and talk at any time. Days passed and my heart was hurting and I was angry and hurt and resentful. I felt like we had been mislead and lied too through this short journey and I did not understand why. I prayed and I still pray and I know I may never know why, so I prayed for comfort and peace.

Weeks went by and I did not like the person I was seeing in the mirror. My attitude was awful and ugly and my heart was hurting. I prayed for God to heal me as only he can. I came home one day and fell on the bed and cried and told Scott I was sorry for how mean I had been and I just wanted to be happy and understand why this happened.

I did not understand after losing 2 babies and going through IVF to get Isabelle and this door of adoption was just dropped in our lap and why it had to be just taken away like this. I decided I had to make me happy. I had to realize God has a plan for me and my family and I had prayed for this birth mom and baby and would not stop. I pray for her daily to keep her life straight and to be a good mom to that baby girl. I decided I would pray for them and as I pray for our hearts to heal I would pray for God to bless us with a baby as only he can.

So I decided I wanted to try and get pregnant again, we know we can on our own and with my bad tube removed we can try on our own. So I decided I was going to lose weight and get healthy and try to get pregnant again.

So on Feb. 21, 2012 I started my journey to a healthy life. I started Visalus and I said ok I will take the 90 day challenge and see what happens. Well the weight and inches started coming off and off and off some more. So 3 weeks into this Scott began his journey too!

Today we are 4weeks (Scott) and 7 weeks(me) into our journey and we are both down 31lbs. Scott has lost 18 inches and I have lost 28 inches. We are changing our lives, we are eating and thinking healthy. We feel great and we are happy! Yes I know my weight has always played a negative role with my PCOS and trying to get pregnant. All we can do is pray God will bless us with a healthy pregnancy if it is in his plan for us.

So getting healthy is were I feel I was led through my prayer in this journey. We are hopeful and we hope to post a big announcement in the future (not pregnant yet, but we appreciate your prayers on our behalf). I had to take all that anger I had and turn it into something positive I was not going to let the anger take control of me this time. My faith has grown beyond measure and I am not turning my back on God no matter the situation, I need him and I need to walk with him through the ups and downs. This is my motto...God has got this!  Here are a few pics so far of our weight loss.


CBJR Family said...

I am SO proud of you!! It has been wonderful to see you grow in your faith over the past few months! I love you, Friend!!